That Floating Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their notable failures. From awkward sequels to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season began, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the last series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The tedious veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Considering the restraining orders, abuse claims and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Shady characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just really boring; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the experience was like consuming a sales brochure. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly breezy, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
